It's been a while

Well, it's been forever since I wrote here. Obviously a lot has happened in all these years. I've fallen in and out of love, of course I've been dissapointed (sadly a lot), but every experience have made me stronger. Last time a wrote here I gave in and fell in love with my best friend....worst mistake of my life! It was heartbreak after heartbreak, but I always forgave him until it became a vicious cycle and I grew tired of it. We had a special bond, but our timing was never right and I got tired of waiting for something deep inside I knew was never going to happen. We stopped talking, and we grew apart, he fell in love with someone and I was still trying to get over him...so not fair, but that's life. We recently started talking again, as friends, we both missed each other, and even though it's hard to accept it, but he's a great friend, he's always there to listen to me ranting about my problems, and I do the same for him. At the beginning it was kind of weird trusting him again, but as the days passed it became something natural. I know we will always share that special and unexplicable bond, but nothing will come out of it, just a great friendship. My love life is sort of a series of chapters, some of them short, others dreadful, but all of them are experiences that I had and made me who I am today. This is just the beginning!

So scared of tomorrow

I gave in...

I thought I would be stronger, but I wasn't. Something about you made me do it. You are not my boyfriend, but you are my friend..maybe that's why I did it.
I always said no..but with you I was weak. With just one kiss I was hooked and I couldn't turn back. A frenzy began inside of me..I just wanted more..and you gave me more. I couldn't stop, something inside me just kept going. Your touch was so sweet and inviting..I just gave in to your charm. The moment you and me became one, it was magical. I belonged to you, and you belonged to me. Our hearts were racing. I felt like I was about to explode.
The night was poetic, but it was all over. Now it was just a memory..how sad. Now I'm just scared of tomorrow, thinking of how I will look into your eyes without wanting to kiss you? How will our friendship be? Will everything change? Will it be weird? Will I lose you? Because that thought scares me to death. After all that has happened between us, it would be unbearable.
I gave you all of me.. I gave in.. and now I'm scared of tomorrow.

What if?

"What if..?" I hate that question, but it's something we always ask ourselves. It's my turn now. What if you find a new love? Am I going to be out of your life or will our true friendship last? You are one of my best friends, but we also have this amazing connection that none of us is able to explain. No one understands our weird friendship, but for us is special. At least for me it is. But we should keep quiet, so no one knows because everyone will have a say in it. The people we revolve around will definitely have something to say , and I really don't want to hear it.
We have this amazing bond, that no one can break... people don't know why, even I don't know. Something inside of us just brings us closer together. When times get rough we just get stronger. But I have another question, what if people find out about the depth of our friendship? Will it all be over? That scares me, because what if we go too deep, could we ever go back? Everyone knows that we are great friends, but the have no idea how special our friendship really is. I don't want them to find out about all the great times we had together, that only the two of us know about.
But what if you find a new love? I know you don't love me, and I don't love you, but we do care a lot about each other..would you tell me the truth? I know that eventually both of us will find someone special in our lives, but for now I don't want this to end. The only thing is that I don't know that if we go in too deep , if I could still be your friend and act as if nothing happened between us. I know you are not my boyfriend but sadly I have to say that I think I fell in love with our friendship.

The Ugly Truth

You say "I love you, I say "I love you too". You kiss me and hug me, and I don't say no. You hold my hand and I hold yours. You say my eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky and I say you give me butterflies and when you kiss me I see fireworks in the sky. You think that everything is perfect, but I know for a fact that what you think, it's not true...

I don't love you... I just like kissing you. Which are two very different things. I thought that time would make me love you, but it can't. Somewhere along the line you just became a game to me. This is the ugly truth, and I know it's harsh, but it's the truth. I don;t want to spend the rest of my life with you, I don't want to hold your hand anymore, I don't want to kiss ever again, or lie to your face again. It was fun for a while, but sadly I get bored easily, and you are taking us way too seriously. I'm tired of pretending, worried of what people would say. But I've had enough. It's not fair for both of us, because I'm just playing with your feelings.

I just can't see how can you want this, how can you want us to be together. Everyone knows I don't love you, except you. Open your eyes and realize the ugly truth.

Not perfect

I hate feeling like this, like I'm not good enough for you. That's what I think, but for you I'm the definition of perfection, too perfect for you. Why do you put me on a pedestal? I'm so high I can't even see below. The reality is that I'm not perfect, I have many flaws, but apparently you can't see them. My perfection is always your excuse to turn me away from you, and that's just not fair. The thing that I want the most in this life is you, but you put a wall between us. You say that I'm too good to be true, but the funny thing is that I'm true to you! Don't create a void between us, because you know I will try my best to break it.

Listen to the music

Music. That is the author of my story. Music was the magic that made my life complete.

There I was, a young girl looking for love in the big city, something very common here. My best friends and I wanted to go out, but I just wanted to grab a bite somewhere and then watch a movie, but my friends insisted to go to a club to watch a band they've heard of. Sure I like to go to clubs and see new bands because I love music, it's my passion, but sadly I can't play any instrument. What a shame. Okay back to the story... So there we were young girls in the city on our way to the night that would change my life forever.
We enter this club, it was so full we could barely walk... but finally we find a nice spot to sit and after a while a guy got up on stage and announced that the band would be playing in a few minutes. And in a few minutes there he was, black converse, leather jacket, tousled hair and his guitar. I was hypnotized. I couldn't take my eyes off him... the rest of the band didn't even exist for me. After a while the band started playing and in that moment I heard the most beautiful melody I have ever heard. It was him, and his guitar. I honestly envied that guitar because of the way he delicately held it between his arms and stroke it with his fingers... He just closed his eyes and played his music... and that was all I could hear, his music... not the rest of the band, just him. That moment marked the rest of my life.
The show ended and my friends wanted to leave... but I couldn't leave just yet, I had to meet him first, that mysterious rocker boy that captivated my soul and filled it with music. But if I went up to him, he would think I was just another fan, and it wasn't like that at all. My friends walked out of the club, but I didn't follow, something kept me there. It was him, he kept me there. It was a force I couldn't explain, I just stood there looking at him, and the shocking thing was that he was looking at me too. Time froze. The world stopped for both of us, it felt like we were the only two people in that place. I just started walking, it felt like something was pulling me towards him, and at that time he started walking too. We met in the middle, and he just took me into his arms and kissed me. I went to the moon and back. He pulled away and said to me: "You are the one and I don't want to ever let you go." I looked at him in the eyes because I didn't understand where all this was coming from. And he told me that the second I walked into this club he felt like the whole world made sense at last and his music chose me, which means his heart chose me. I just couldn't believe it, I was speechless.

This had been a surreal night for me... and from that night on he kept filling my soul with beautiful songs and with his mind blowing music. It was meant to be... we fell in love through music...

Thank you for the memories

My best friends. How could I live without them? Simple... I just can't. They are the ones that make me laugh for no good reason, the ones that make me strong with their advice, and the ones that are always there for me when I need them the most. I know that I can call them at three in the morning to ask them the most stupid question, and the wouldn't mind, they would pick up the phone anyways as if it were five in the afternoon.

My best friends. The people who know the real me. They know instantly when something is wrong without me saying anything, with just the sound of my voice, or with just one look into my eyes. Sometimes it's scary how well they know me, but I don't really care because I love them anyways.

Sometimes I think they don't know how important they are for me, or how much I care about them. They are always there for me when I have boy problems, family problems, or just me problems. They have helped me throughout every situation imaginable. How can they even doubt what they mean to me? Easy... I'm not very good at expressing how I feel, don't know why. But no matter how bad I am expressing how I feel, that doesn't mean I don't love them and adore them. My life would be so empty without them and so boring. I can't even bare to think about it. All I know is that I wouldn't change our late night talks, our sleepovers, our girls days, our laughs, our tears,our moments together for anything in the world. Destiny put them in my life and I will never let them go. No matter how far we are form each other, and no matter where life takes us, we will always have our friendship to rely on... we will always have each other. Thank you for our memories together.

Always and forever... best friends.